the end of Tsarist Russia

It is 2:38 PM Friday afternoon here in West Michigan. It is another cold gray day. Maybe someday we will see sunlight once again. I hate to contemplate forever living in eternal darkness with the damned.

I got up this morning around 6:33 AM. When I got up I found my wife reading in our living room. I got out of the ice box a bottle of cold water and sat near my wife waking up to another day in the American Dream. I was thinking today that my life at this current moment is a dream life, meaning we are reaping all the fruits of a comfortable Christian middle class life. We live a wonderful life, it is like we are on a vacation. But I know in the back of my head the vacation is going to come to an end. Carol and I will die someday and then the vacation will be over. What waits for us after death is up to the Lord Jesus to decide. I know the doctrine of justification by faith, so I know I should be looking forward to dying and being with the Lord. We are not suppose to get comfortable in this life, but have a hunger for Heaven. I pray for perfect assurance of salvation all the time. Carol tells me I do not trust people, that I do not believe people are forth right.

So I got up this morning and around 7:04 AM I decided to fix a morning meal. Carol had already had a morning meal, so I fixed food only for myself. After breakfast I wrote in my paper diary and messed with our main computer. This morning I was in no mood to read anything so I basically did nothing till it was time for me to get dressed and go to the Book Nook to volunteer for a couple of hours.

Today our local library used books store The Book Nook was slow so I read from a book I read from last night also titled, ‘The Impossible Exile: Stefan Zweig at the End of the World’ by George Prochnik. At the Book Nook I bought these used books to add to our book collection-

‘Carry Me Home: Birmingham, Alabama, The Climatic Battle of the Civil Rights Revolution’ by Diane McWhorter

‘Barnum: An American Life’ biography by Robert Wilson

‘Moscow Memoirs: Memories of Anna Akhmatova, Osip Mandelstam, and Literary Russia under Stalin’ by Emma Gerstein

‘Hope Against Hope’ a memoir by Nadezhda Mandelstam Translated by Max Hayward

In the mail this afternoon I received two books I had ordered recently-

‘The End Of Tsarist Russia-The March To World War I & Revolution’ by Dominic Lieven

‘Oranges & Peanuts For Sale’ essays by Eliot Weinberger

Carol is sleeping this afternoon, because she goes back to work after being off three weeks. I suppose I will close to brush my teeth and stare into the Void.

an idea of western civilization

It is 12:22 PM Thursday afternoon here by Lake Michigan. Yesterday Carol showed me on her cell phone photos of the Lake Michigan shoreline collapsing. This Winter the shoreline along Lake Michigan has been washed away by high tides. One can see houses and woods sliding into Lake Michigan this Winter. It sad to watch people’s homes falling into Lake Michigan. Seeing property  that is valued in million of dollars falling into the Lake.

I have had a normal six hours of consciousness. I got up around 6:30 AM this morning. I do not know when my wife got up today. I am sure we are both wasted from the day. The wear and tear of existence during the last days of the American Empire. There is revolution in the streets. The smell of decay lingers in the streets around the White House Washington D.C..

I spent the morning mainly writing in my diary and reading from a book titled, ‘Reformed Ethics: Created, Fallen, And Converted Humanity’ by Herman Bavinck. In the mail this morning I received these books I had ordered-

‘Essays of Four Decades’ by Allen Tate

‘The Puritans: A Transatlantic History’ by David D. Hall

‘The Impossible Exile: Stefan Zweig at the End of the World’ by George Prochnik

‘Some Sort Of Genius: The Life Of Wyndham Lewis’ biography by Paul O’Keeffe

I do not know what I will do the rest of the day to keep myself from falling into a coma. Last night I read ‘The Great Concert Of The Night’ a novel by Jonathan Buckley. We went to bed early last night. Now it is another day to go down a rabbit hole.

I will close to drift.

every created intelligible light is a participation of the divine light

It is now 4:49 PM Wednesday evening in the death flow. Not much has changed since I last attempted to put words to paper. I am still feeling wasted. I hardly slept last night. I need a good night’s sleep, so tomorrow when I awake I feel like I am born again.

This morning I got up around 6:33 AM. When I got up I found Carol in our living room having her morning devotions. I think Carol and I live a devotional life. All day and all night for us is a devotional space of time. We seek to live a life of unceasing devotion to the Lord Jesus Christ.

So I got up and got a bottle of cold water and sat for awhile waking up to existence.

Carol had planned to meet around 8:45 AM an old friend for breakfast. So I only fixed breakfast for myself this morning. After breakfast I wrote in my paper diary. Carol left to have breakfast with her friend and I filmed a short video for my Youtube channel. After filming a video I dozed till Carol came home. The plans for us was to leave the house when she got back to do errands, visit thrift stores and have lunch someplace. So we did that and we were around 1:30 PM.

Caleb, Emily, Josie, Cora, and Ollie their dog stopped by this afternoon to wish Nonie Happy Birthday.

Not much else new to report this evening, so I will close to feel wasted.

Psalm 16
[1] Preserve me, O God: for in thee do I put my trust.
[2] O my soul, thou hast said unto the LORD, Thou art my Lord: my goodness extendeth not to thee;
[3] But to the saints that are in the earth, and to the excellent, in whom is all my delight.
[4] Their sorrows shall be multiplied that hasten after another god: their drink offerings of blood will I not offer, nor take up their names into my lips.
[5] The LORD is the portion of mine inheritance and of my cup: thou maintainest my lot.
[6] The lines are fallen unto me in pleasant places; yea, I have a goodly heritage.
[7] I will bless the LORD, who hath given me counsel: my reins also instruct me in the night seasons.
[8] I have set the LORD always before me: because he is at my right hand, I shall not be moved.
[9] Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoiceth: my flesh also shall rest in hope.
[10] For thou wilt not leave my soul in hell; neither wilt thou suffer thine Holy One to see corruption.
[11] Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.

the way of the Jewish mystic

It is 3:17 PM Wednesday afternoon here in West Michigan. Outside it is cold and gray presently. I am very tired so I am going to just mention right now the used books we picked up this morning while we were out doing errands at thrift stores-

‘The Human Fly And Other Stories’ by T.C. Boyle

‘Stalingrad’ historical fiction by Theodor Plievier Tranlated from the German by Richard and Clara Winston

‘Cassandra’s Daughter: A History of Psychoanalysis’ by Joseph Schwartz

‘Myths To Live By: How we re-create ancient legends in our daily lives to release human potential’ by Joseph Campbell

‘Creek Mary’s Blood’ historical fiction by Dee Brown

‘The Heat of the Day’ a novel by Elizabeth Bowen

‘Reporting Civil Rights-Part One American Journalism 1941-1963’ [Library of America]

‘Kabbalah: The Way of the Jewish Mystic’ by Perle Epstein

‘Anastasia” The Lost Princess’ biography by James Blair Lovell

‘Wanderings” History Of The Jews’ by Chaim Potok

‘The Moon and Sixpence’ a novel by W. Somerset Maugham

‘The Blue Lantern’ memoir by Colette Translated by Roger Senhouse

‘The Spirit Of Medieval Philosophy’ [The Gifford Lectures of 1931-2] by Etienne Gilson Translated by A.H.C. Downes

‘In a dark wood’ a novel by Marcel Moring Translated by Shaun Whiteside

‘Economics In Perspective: A Critical History’ by John Kenneth Galbraith

‘Imaginary Homelands” Essays And Criticism 1981-1991’ by Salman Rushdie

‘Jospeh Anton: A Memoir’ by Salman Rushdie

The Parable of the Ten Virgins

It is 11:01 AM late Tuesday morning here in West Michigan. It is another cold snowy winter day. This coming Saturday it will be February 1, 2020. Carol this morning was looking for plane tickets so as to fly out to Denver to visit our daughter during Spring break in March 2020. Existence keeps decaying faster and faster. We can not stop the Plan of God from being accomplished.

I got up this morning around 6:13 AM. When I got up I found my wife sitting in our living room reading her Bible. She had gotten up this morning around 4 o’clock AM. I made oatmeal for breakfast and a pot of coffee. I ate my oatmeal and then wrote in my paper diary. I spent the rest of the morning reading Volume 2 ‘Theoretical-Practical Theology-Faith in the Triune God’ by Petrus Van Mastricht Translated By Todd M. Rester. So has gone by the morning hours.

Last night we watched television till 9 o’clock PM. Carol went to bed and I stayed up and read ‘The Works of William Perkins’ Volume 8 till 11 o’clock PM. Now it is another day. Carol plans to go to physical therapy soon for her bad knee. I plan to drift through this day seeking God.

I suppose I will close to wait for 12 o’clock PM to come my way. I also have been reading off and on ‘The Cry Of The Owl’ a crime novel by Patricia Highsmith. I did get in the mail a crime novel by Patricia Highsmith. I have these books by Highsmith plus two biographies-

‘Ripley’s Game’ a crime novel by Patricia Highsmith

‘The Talented Mr. Ripley’ a crime novel by Patricia Highsmith

‘Ripley Under Ground’ a crime novel by Patricia Highsmith

‘Ripley Under Water’ a crime novel by Patricia Highsmith

‘Selected Novels and Short Stories’ by Patricia Highsmith

‘Beautiful Shadow: A Life Of Patricia Highsmith’ biography by Andrew Wilson

‘The Talented Miss Highsmith: The Secret Life and Serious Art of Patricia Highsmith’ biography by Joan Schenkar

Well I will close to drift. I am falling asleep. I need to feel awake when the Lord Jesus comes on the clouds of glory. There is no way of escape.

“[1] Then shall the kingdom of heaven be likened unto ten virgins, which took their lamps, and went forth to meet the bridegroom.
[2] And five of them were wise, and five were foolish.
[3] They that were foolish took their lamps, and took no oil with them:
[4] But the wise took oil in their vessels with their lamps.
[5] While the bridegroom tarried, they all slumbered and slept.
[6] And at midnight there was a cry made, Behold, the bridegroom cometh; go ye out to meet him.
[7] Then all those virgins arose, and trimmed their lamps.
[8] And the foolish said unto the wise, Give us of your oil; for our lamps are gone out.
[9] But the wise answered, saying, Not so; lest there be not enough for us and you: but go ye rather to them that sell, and buy for yourselves.
[10] And while they went to buy, the bridegroom came; and they that were ready went in with him to the marriage: and the door was shut.
[11] Afterward came also the other virgins, saying, Lord, Lord, open to us.
[12] But he answered and said, Verily I say unto you, I know you not.
[13] Watch therefore, for ye know neither the day nor the hour wherein the Son of man cometh.” Matthew 25:1-13

the Civil War

It is 2:27 PM Monday afternoon here in West Michigan. It is a warm sunny cloudy afternoon. The snow has been melting today due to the warm weather.

I got up this morning around 6:30 AM. I immediately got dressed because we had planned to go out for breakfast and then go grocery shopping. So Carol and I did that and were home by 9:22 AM. I left to volunteer at the Book Nook around 9:20 AM and was home by 1:05 PM. Today the Book Nook was not busy so I wandered the store and read from a book titled, ‘The Stammering Century’ by Gilbert Seldes. I also read this book ‘The Stammering Century’ last night.

When I got home from the Book Nook I ate lunch and then wrote in my paper diary. I brought home from the Book Nook these used books to add to our library-

‘Derby Day’ A Victorian Mystery by D.J. Taylor

‘The State Of Jones-The Small Southern County That Seceded From the Confederacy’ American Civil War history by Sally Jenkins & John Stauffer

‘Complete Stories’ Dorothy Parker [Penguin Classics]

Right now Carol is sleeping. She called into work telling them she can’t work tonight due to her right knee being in extreme pain.

Like I wrote last night I mainly read ‘The Stammering Century’ by Gilbert Seldes and went to bed around 11 o’clock PM. Now it is another day and I need to close because I am feeling wasted.

I should mention I did get in the mail this afternoon a used book I had ordered titled, ‘Ripley’s Game’ Crime Fiction by Patricia Highsmith. I am collection all Highsmith’s Ripley’s crime novels.

The Beautiful Waters Of Eden hymn

Murmuring softly, caroling gently,
Music enchanting cometh to me;
Over the waters, beautiful waters,
Where in the homeland soon I shall be.
How like a vision tenderly stealing,
Over my spirit, weary, oppressed;
Drawing me upward, urging me forward,
Telling of sunshine, rapture and rest.

Refrain

Murmuring softly, caroling gently,
Music enchanting cometh to me;
Over the waters, beautiful waters,
Where in the homeland soon I shall be.

Silently musing, blissfully gazing
Into the future teeming with light,
Sweetly the echoes floating around me,
Whisper of Eden, lovely and bright.
Eden, where summer, fadeless, eternal,
Scatters its roses, blooming for aye;
There is no parting, there is no weeping,
Sorrow and sighing vanish away.

Refrain

There our Redeemer, loving Redeemer,
Gathers the faithful safe on His breast,
Out of the changing into the changeless,
Out of the toiling into the rest.
Welcome the moment when to His presence,
Joyful my spirit flies like a bird;
O what a morrow, O what a meeting,
Eye hath not seen it, ear hath not heard.

Refrain

the New Eden

It is 10:20 AM Sunday morning here where we live out our days here on the planet earth. Outside this morning it is cold, damp, and gray. It has been predicted to snow today. Thus far this morning I have not seen any snow flakes fall from the gray sky.

Carol left this morning around 8:30 AM to get Sunday newspapers and then go to Covenant PCA.

I got up this morning around 7:15 AM to find my wife sitting in our dining room eating something. I made for myself oatmeal for a morning meal. I also made a fresh pot of coffee.

I have spent the morning writing in my paper diary and reading 17th century Puritan English Spirituality/Theology. Now I am writing in my online diaries. Not much else to report. I plan to drift this day. This is the last Sunday of January 2020. We will soon be in the month of February 2020. We can not escape the chains of Time.

Last night I read my books and filmed a video for my Youtube channel. I read from these books last night before going to bed-

‘The Great Concert Of The Night’ A Novel by Jonathan Buckley

‘Parisian Lives: Samuel Beckett, Simone De Beauvoir, And Me’ a memoir by Deirdre Bair

‘The Stammering Century’ American history by Gilbert Seldes

Carol got home from babysitting around 10:50 PM. We went to bed and read late into the night. Now it is the first day of another week. Next Saturday it will be February 1, 2020. I long for Spring to come once again.

Well I will close to wait to see what happens next.

the great upheaval

It is 12:04 PM Saturday afternoon here in West Michigan. Outside presently it is snowing.

I got up this morning around 7 o’clock AM. When I got up I found Carol in the living room reading. She had already had breakfast so I ate a bowl of dry cereal for a morning meal. I next made a pot of coffee and then messed with our main computer. After messing with our main computer I wrote in my paper diary and then read from Volume 8 ‘The Works of William Perkins’. Now it is 12:07 PM in the flow of existence.

I did film a video this morning for my Youtube channel and then downloaded the video.

Carol left this morning around 9:55 AM to meet up with some of her cousins for an early lunch. She is now home sitting in our dining room messing with her cell phone. Not much else to report this afternoon. Last night I read late into the night from these two books-

‘Marie Antoinette: The Portrait of an Average Woman’ biography by Stefan Zweig

‘The Great Upheaval: America And The Birth Of The Modern World 1788-1800’ by Jay Winik

It looks like it is going to be a quiet afternoon. I will close to watch the snow fall and read my books. There is no way of escape.

“[22] But ye are come unto mount Sion, and unto the city of the living God, the heavenly Jerusalem, and to an innumerable company of angels,
[23] To the general assembly and church of the firstborn, which are written in heaven, and to God the Judge of all, and to the spirits of just men made perfect,
[24] And to Jesus the mediator of the new covenant, and to the blood of sprinkling, that speaketh better things than that of Abel.
[25] See that ye refuse not him that speaketh. For if they escaped not who refused him that spake on earth, much more shall not we escape, if we turn away from him that speaketh from heaven:
[26] Whose voice then shook the earth: but now he hath promised, saying, Yet once more I shake not the earth only, but also heaven.
[27] And this word, Yet once more, signifieth the removing of those things that are shaken, as of things that are made, that those things which cannot be shaken may remain.
[28] Wherefore we receiving a kingdom which cannot be moved, let us have grace, whereby we may serve God acceptably with reverence and godly fear:
[29] For our God is a consuming fire.” Hebrews 12:22-29

a crepuscular vision of absolute reality

It is 2:20 PM Friday afternoon here in West Michigan. It is a damp chilly gray rainy day. The weather sucks in other words. I am extremely tired so I will make this quick.

I got up this morning around 6:05 AM. Carol was already up reading in the living room. I made a pot of oatmeal for breakfast. After breakfast I messed with our main computer, wrote in my diary and read from Volume 8 ‘The Works of William Perkins’.

I left to volunteer at our local library used books store around 9:40 AM. The store today was not slow nor was it slow. When not helping people with their purchases I read from a biography titled, ‘Marie Antoinette: The Portrait of an Average Woman’ by Stefan Zweig. I brought home from the Book Nook these used books to Add to our library-

‘The Bedroom Philosophers’ by Marquis de Sade

‘I’ll Sleep When I’m Dead: The Dirty Life And Times Of Warren Zevon’ memoir by Crystal Zevon

‘The Timechart Of Military History’

When I got home from the Book Nook Carol was cooking. Tonight Caleb, Emily, Josie, Cora and Ollie their dog are coming over for dinner. This weekend is Caleb and Carol’s birthday.

In the mail this afternoon I received a used book I had ordered titled, ‘Cabot Wright Begins’ a novel by James Purdy. Last night I mainly read late into the night from a book titled, ‘The Europeans: Three Lives And The Making Of A Cosmopolitan Culture’ by Orlando Figes.

I will close to have a cup of coffee and wait for the ship to come in.